the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
