Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize