The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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