you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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