dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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