even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
