don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
