My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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