i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my poor anus
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
