Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
