I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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