her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
zippers are such a cool invention
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
