Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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