Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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