he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she pinky promised me she was 18
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
