Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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