So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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