I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
