My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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