Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i would punch a child for taco bell
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
