i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
