No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
