New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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