I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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