her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
