i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
