my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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