there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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