Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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