Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
