Where are you?
In a non slutty way
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize