I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize