My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
