Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize