i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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