:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
