I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
