white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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