Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
