Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize