My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
