I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
