we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
