So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
