Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He passed out mid-signature
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
