I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The adults are the big ones right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
