Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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