I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Drake has all the answers
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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