He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
