If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was born a porn star she said
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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