Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Houston, we have a blender
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
