we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
