I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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