I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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