i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate your face
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
