i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
