You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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