Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
