Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
