guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
