i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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