I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
