Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
