i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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