i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
false alarm, still single
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
