my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
