LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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