Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
